withbrokenteeth

when the warm, heavy fog of my   b r e a th                        rolls over your    bare skin   like a storm     and my lips graze|a|gainst|hairs|stood|on|end,                                 i can sense you               

I met you in the white                         white noise                 of a heat wave; the static from the black                            black top                       was leaving me breath

you gave me a fistful of apologies in the same way you left wish a fistful of excuses years ago. white-knuckled and crying, you'll tell me all the things you've told me before. i know you'll choose her, it's easier to hurt me since you know what it looks like. it's nothing new, darling. instead of shelving this past four years and all that comes with it, i wait at my front door, hoping you'll show up with a fistful of something different.

i want to find the words for not being able to find the words. i am afraid that i fade when you close your eyes,   when you turn your back,          when you look away. i want to write myself into your history, in the most permanent of inks, thick and full of colour. i want you to lay claim to my flesh and heart with polaroids that won't blow away when the wind comes. and if i fade like fog set on the city when you close your eyes, i want to be there when you open them. i will remind you that my collarbone is your favourite; if you forget, i'll tell you how your hips

sunshine, oh sunshine! you flutter amongst these pages and kiss me to the sound of laughter on the green, green grass. i cling to this parchment, feel it's fibrous wrinkles against my fingertips. "i know you are in there, oh sunshine! i shall come in after you," i shout, as i watch this burst of blueredorangeyellow sound swirl around me. i've been searching for months for you and your unapologetic rays, oh sunshine. i shall journey into this manuscript, careful not to get ink on my hands or scuff my knees on the serifs you hide behind. i shall hold your birds until you return, to cast shadows in the forest and dance am

god grew tired of us, he said. let us fend for ourselves. i spent six hours trying to believe you when you said, "you're a lion amongst lambs, son." i only felt like a predator when i smelled blood. or maybe you were calling me something different altogether. maybe my heart will give out, or daniel will find me, and everyone can sleep safely once again. for now, i'll cut my mane, and dull my teeth if you will pretend for just one more night.

oh! boy, you'll thank me for this one day. i've meticulously taken all that flesh and bone and turned you into someone much more useful, pertinent, stable, predictable. i've fixed you. i peeled off skin like a tangerine in the summer heat wiping my hands as i worked; putting you in that metal shell was the best decision we ever made. the only thing i couldn't save was your pumping, feebly sensitive, yet explosive heart. but trust me darling, you are better off without. because i cannot love you forever. i remember once, before you were all dials and lights, i told you, "having a heart is like an evolutionary step in the

water never felt so welcome in my lungs. i was packing all my bags and you stood silently, staring. by all my bags, of course i mean just my faded blue-and-grey diary [i sure hope it's waterproof] and a toothbrush [i don't want to offend anyone on the other side, you know.] tucked into a grocery bag. i told you about all my dreams, about swirls of colour and floating endlessly among them, eyes open and searching. seas of fishes swirling about me, all of them being fishes of seas. you held my hand within yours, and i felt your insides quake. "don't go," you said. "don't go." in my head, i repeated those words to you. don't go.

shut up! i am dreaming of faraway sunsets and foothills, where you cannot catch my jangly bones crackling together at the joints. i am welcoming fortuitous visionaries into my life at every turn, and with all this welcoming, there's no room for you tonight. we're building beauty in our masterful plans, and soon there won't be room for your kind. oh, our plans! my brain is blurred from your narcotic voice, and my dreams are like watercolour, spilling out my ears and leaving stains on my shirt. i have learned that you are only the supporting role in everything that i've become. shut up, you won't catch that tomcatted mouse with my bare, bli

i'll concede: you've got me surrounded. i'd come out with my hands up but they're currently holding what little is left of the recognizable part of me. i don't know how to save myself, but i'm damn good at needing saved. "no one wants you." i'd argue but i don't know how. the silence builds four walls and a roof, brick by brick by brick. the most secure prison i've ever encountered is one that only exists for me. "did you hear me?" you ask. "i said, no one wants you." i didn't ask for this, and i surely didn't instigate it once i knew it was coming. i was hiding when it found me and if i could i'd keep away from it. you sold me out and l